How to Talk About Your Desires Without Judgment or Awkwardness

Let me guess—you’ve been there. Sitting across from someone you like (or want to like you), heart pounding, palms sweaty, throat dry like you just swallowed chalk, about to blurt something vulnerable… and boom—you freeze.

You want to say what lights you up in bed. What fantasies spin in your head. What makes you squirm in the best possible way. But instead, you smile, nod, and settle for “I’m chill with whatever.” Lie.

Yeah, I’ve done that too.

Until I stopped.

I got tired of faking it. Not just the ooh yeah right there baby kind of faking it—I mean pretending my body, heart, and hunger didn’t matter. That I was “low maintenance.” That I didn’t need to feel seen.

Turns out, expressing your desires (don’t flinch, we’re gonna say it a lot) without shame or awkwardness isn’t rocket science. You just need guts, language, and the ability to laugh when it gets weird.

And it will get weird. But it’ll also get real—and hot—and honest—and maybe even healing.

So let’s strip away the awkwardness and get real about what we want—without whispering, flinching, or apologizing for being turned on by things that don’t fit inside someone else’s idea of “normal.”

Because babe, normal is overrated. Truth? Never is.

Key Points

• You can’t expect honesty if you hide behind shame.
• Awkward disappears the second you stop flinching at your truth.
• Clear communication saves you from resentment, confusion, and dry spells.
• You set the tone—owning your desires gives others permission to do the same.
• Rejection won’t kill you, silence might.
• Confidence is louder than fear, even when your voice shakes.
• Laughter makes the uncomfortable… bearable.
• Curiosity beats judgment. Always.

Let’s Talk Dirty Without Feeling Dirty

I once told a guy I wanted to be tied to a chair. Not metaphorically. Not spiritually. I meant duct tape, velvet rope, maybe even zip ties if we were feeling budget-conscious. His face did a thing. Somewhere between confused Labrador and Catholic guilt.

He blinked. I didn’t.

Then I asked if he had any chairs we could ruin.

Awkward? Nope. Not when I said it like I was asking for extra ketchup.

That’s the trick, babe. The more you act like your desires belong in a dark alley, the more others will treat them like a crime scene. Want to avoid shame spirals and those weird post-sex silences where you wonder if you’ve broken someone’s brain? Start talking like you own your cravings.

And no, you don’t need a therapist’s couch or a tantra workshop to say what turns you on. You just need guts, some basic words, and maybe a shot of tequila.

But mostly guts.

Stop Whispering. Say It Like You Mean It.

If you can order a triple macchiato with oat milk, extra foam, and no judgment, you can say, “I’d like you to bite my thighs.”

What’s stopping you?

Shame?

Fear of judgment?

Worried they’ll think you’re weird?

Sweetheart, weird is the new hot. Vanilla is fine for ice cream. Not so much for passion. You owe it to yourself to stop editing your truth.

Here’s the thing:

• People can’t read minds (even the ones who claim to).
• If you’re not saying it out loud, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.
• Holding it in leads to passive aggression, not orgasms.
• Pretending to be low maintenance kills desire faster than socks in bed.

Say it. Breathe. Don’t apologize.

The Chair Story Wasn’t Even My Weirdest Moment

Once, I blurted out that I had a fantasy involving honey, a ski mask, and total silence.

Silence. Not awkward silence—consensual silence.

He asked if he needed to rob a bank or something.

I laughed so hard, I snorted. That broke the ice. Suddenly we were planning things we hadn’t dared say before.

Humor helps. Especially when your voice wants to disappear. Awkwardness loses power when you laugh first. So does shame.

How I Bring It Up Without Sounding Like I’m Reciting From a Therapy Manual

Let’s get tactical.

1. Use I-statements.
   “I’ve been curious about…” or “I get turned on when…”
   It’s about your desire, not their responsibility.
2. Start light, go deeper.
   Ease in. You don’t have to unload your whole brain on the first night. Try, “Want to hear something wild?” Works like magic.
3. Make it playful.
   Try, “Okay, don’t laugh… actually, do laugh, but I’m serious…”
4. Don’t ask permission.
   You’re expressing, not begging. Say it. Let it land.
5. Use humor as a buffer.
   Not as a crutch—but as seasoning. Like hot sauce on a dirty secret.

Dildos Aren’t Taboo—They’re Tools, Honey

Let’s get one thing straight: toys don’t replace people, they upgrade the experience.

I once told a date I had more dildos & dongs than forks. He looked both frightened and intrigued. Good. He needed the warning. I pointed him toward my favorite site because we’re not here to pretend batteries can’t outperform bare hands.

That led to one of the most honest conversations we ever had. Not just about toys, but what turns us on, what makes us insecure, what we secretly Google at 2 a.m.

You want honesty? Normalize talking about what you use when you’re alone.

If someone’s scared of a silicone toy, I promise they’re not ready for your truth.

Let’s Talk About the F-Word—Fear

Fear is sneaky. It dresses up as politeness. As modesty. As “I don’t want to scare them off.”

You know what really scares people off?

Pretending.

That thing you avoid saying? That’s the one that matters most.

Here’s what helped me:

• Worst-case scenarios rarely happen.
• If they judge you, they’re not your people.
• You don’t owe anyone a watered-down version of you.
• The right person will listen. Maybe even light up.

Fear doesn’t leave. You just get louder than it.

Awkward Moments? Yeah, I Have a Collection

There was the guy who got so nervous, he asked me if I needed “emotional assistance” after I mentioned a rope kink.

There was the woman who stared at me for three full minutes after I said I liked public teasing. I timed her. Three.

And there was the guy who said, “I thought you were so classy.”

Sweetheart. I am. I just also like to be spanked sometimes.

Classy isn’t code for dull. People don’t always react how you expect. That’s fine. You’re not building a fanbase. You’re building real connections. (Okay, that was one.)

Don’t Wait for the “Perfect Moment”—It’s a Trap

You think you’ll wait until you “know them better”? No. You’ll wait forever. And resentment will grow like mold behind a wall.

Real talk: Say it early. Say it casually. Say it like you’d say “I don’t eat gluten.”

Why?

Because the more you delay, the more the pressure builds. And when it finally spills, it’ll feel heavy.

Here’s how I slip it in:

• “I’ve got a wild brain, want to hear something strange?”
• “I always wanted to try something, and I’m curious how you’d feel about it.”
• “This might be bold, but I don’t believe in silence when it comes to pleasure.”

Keep it light. Keep it honest. Don’t overexplain.

Some People Won’t Get It—That’s a Good Thing

Rejection isn’t a failure. It’s clarity.

Not everyone deserves access to your desires. Not everyone gets to be part of your story.

I used to see rejection as a warning sign. Now, I see it as a filter.

If someone flinches at your truth, imagine how they’ll react when you’re at your most raw, your most real.

You’re allowed to say, “That’s fine, but not for me.”

And move on.

Saying It Doesn’t Mean Demanding It

Expressing your desires is not a contract. It’s not a command. It’s a door. You’re opening it, not dragging someone through.

The trick is separating honesty from expectation.

I say, “Here’s what I like. You in?”

And I mean it. Consent matters. So does curiosity. The people who matter won’t mock your honesty. They’ll ask questions. They’ll tell you what they want.

Then suddenly, you’re not guessing. You’re exploring. Together.

What I’ve Learned Through All My Wild Confessions

I’ve told partners I wanted to be dominated. I’ve said I love soft praise. I’ve said I hate silence in bed. I’ve told someone I wanted to cry and laugh during sex—same night.

Every time I expected to be seen as too much, too weird, too dramatic. And sometimes I was. But more often, I was met with curiosity. Openness. Sometimes even applause.

You don’t have to perform. You just have to be brave.

Your honesty is your sexiest asset.

Don’t waste it.

Final Tips for Saying What You Want Without Curling Into a Ball

1. Use simple, direct language. No need to script Shakespeare.
2. Avoid sarcasm if you’re not sure how they’ll take it. Use humor to connect, not deflect.
3. Timing isn’t everything—but don’t bring it up during arguments or car rides with their mom.
4. Stay calm. Even if your heart is breakdancing.
5. Keep your eyes on them. Confidence lives in eye contact.

And remember:

• Some people won’t react well.
• Some will surprise you.
• The ones who stay are worth it.

No More Secrets. Say It. Mean It. Get What You Want

You’re not “too much.” You’re just too honest for someone’s fragile ego.

Own your wild. Speak your truth. Laugh at the awkwardness.

Then go make some noise.

And maybe pick out something cute and buzz-worthy. Because if you’re going to talk about your desires, you might as well live them.

Unapologetically.