Being mindful and considerate are important on every date. The first date is always special, though. Unfortunately, many guys fumble before they even have a shot. They either ask an egregious question or do something silly because they are nervous.
A date is about getting to know each other. So, yes definitely ask questions. But it would help if both of you also had fun.
Asking the wrong questions will hurt your chances. It can even put the girl off even if she initially liked you. So, in this guide, we will dissect three questions you must avoid on the first date. In the end, we also included some tips on what you should and should not do on a date.
3 Deal-breaker Questions to Ask On a First Date
The goal of the first date is to get to know each other—you know, to test your chemistry with the girl. It is best to keep things light, fun, and engaging.
If you are with someone you like, there might be all kinds of burning questions you want to ask. But asking some of those will make you shoot yourself in the foot!
Why Did Your Last Relationship End?
First dates should be light and fun. Feeling like you are being interrogated is neither of those. Asking your date about other people she is dating, or her ex makes you look incredibly insecure.
Finding out who you are ‘competing’ with can be tempting. However, it rarely ends well. Even if she was having a good time, and you pop this question, you instantly lose all charm.
A general rule for the first date (or any date, for that matter) is to focus on the person you are with. Not their past. Be in the moment and enjoy your time with her.
Where Are You REALLY From?
Okay, what are you even doing at this point? If this has never been you, fantastic! You are already doing better than many guys. But many guys have asked questions like this.
The thing is, you might be genuinely interested in their heritage. In that case, there are infinitely better ways to phrase it. How you phrase and ask certain things can be tricky, though. This is where an online dating guide can be really helpful.
But asking someone to tell where they are ‘really’ from comes off as incredibly rude and dogmatic. It is to say they cannot belong here if they do not look like the others. Even words like exotic can come off as offensive if used wrong.
Where Do You See Us Heading?
Do not rush anything. Trying to discuss where you two are going is moving way too fast. It might also come off as a bit desperate too. Everyone will tell you that desperation is not attractive. They are right.
Besides, it is only the first date. You do not know whether you would still like her by the 3rd if there were to even be one. So, asking where you see us headed also makes her think you are already building a future with her in your head.
It adds unnecessary pressure on the girl, which can cause her to pull back. Remember, for a first date, things need to be light and fun. However, that in no way means you do not put in effort.
Take time to plan a fun date, pull out the chair for her, pick her up from her place, and all those things. Those are things you should do!
The Do’s and Don’ts On The First Date
Speaking of things you should do, there are many things you can do on a first date that will make her like you. And things you should not.
Research Before the Date
No! Looking your date up online or researching where you want to take her is not creepy. Even a small scan of her dating profile can give you lots of context. You could also check out her Instagram if you have it. It does not have to be a full background check.
Don’t Be Late
Tardiness is never an attractive trait. If you are the one planning the first date (which you should), always make sure you arrive at the time you set.
Address Her By Name
People’s brains activate when they hear their name. There is even a study about this. Calling her by name from time to time will engage her. However, do not overdo it. That can be weird.
Don’t Only Talk About Yourself
One of the biggest cardinal sins on the first date is talking too much about yourself. You are not there to prove you are the most interesting person in the world. It is to make her feel like she is.
Make Eye Contact
Make eye contact! It makes her feel like you are interested, which in turn makes her feel good about herself. As is the case with dating, there is always a fine line. So, do not overdo it. You do not want to stare down her soul. Just be natural but confident.
Avoid Drinking Too Much
The first one or two drinks might be helpful to relax you a bit especially if you are nervous. Any more than three drinks is too much. You want to be as sober as you can to put your best foot forward.
Have Fun Yourself
Don’t forget to have fun yourself. The best dates are the ones where both of you are having fun. Do not try to put on a certain image. Be genuine. A date is to see whether you two work naturally.
How To Tell If Your Date Is Having a Good Time
Okay, before we wrap up, I wanted to leave you with something that you can use for every date. Universal signs of a good date are naturally flowing conversations, them opening up to you, or even better, if they drop a text later.
But there are more subtle signs. Her body language is a big one. If she’s open and receptive, that means she is comfortable and having fun. If you went out for drinks, and she ordered another, it could mean she is enjoying herself and wants to stay.
Try to read the energy. If you two shared lots of laughs, the date was successful. If you are still in touch after, that’s another big sign things went well.
However, not all dates will be a success. You simply can’t hit it off with everyone. And that is completely okay! A dating coach can help you in this case, too, if you are struggling.
Ultimately, there needs to be chemistry. A lot of things need to come together, things you might not have total control over. It never hurts to become the best version of yourself, though. Have more experience, be confident, and take care of your physique.
Wrapping Up
Of course, there are many more questions that could ruin the first date. However, these three I mentioned are especially off-putting. It is best to think generically here. Do not only avoid these three questions.
Avoid asking questions along similar lines. Do not talk about previous relationships, do not act insecure or too eager, and, of course, do not make your date feel attacked or unwelcome. Keep it light and engaging, and you will both have fun.
