Let’s take a closer look at the idea that women seeking a relationship have a minute (or less) to catch a man’s interest. If he passes you up after a mere sixty seconds, your potential relationship of a lifetime is over
before it starts. This idea has been put forth strongly in at least one book about dating. But is it true? And if it were true, what are the implications for single women?
The Truth About Chemistry
People who embrace this belief often also say that they believe in the power of that age-old force called chemistry. Some go so far as to argue that when you and Mr Right meet, you’ll both know that you were meant for each another virtually instantaneously.
Some people refer to this as synchronicity. As romantically appealing as this notion maybe, on a practical level
it places a heavy burden on single women to arouse a man’s interest as quickly as possible—in other words, to market themselves very effectively.
Spending A Fortune
It drives them to spend a fortune on clothing and makeup, to refine their ability to engage men in conversation, and to create Internet descriptions that make them sound as attractive and interesting as possible, while at the same time being careful not to violate the “one minute or less” rule.
No wonder most people quickly become cynical about trying to meet people over the Internet, through dating services, or through the singles scene. What does all this effort to make a good (and fast) first impression boil
down to?
Is it really a matter of finding your perfect match—your soulmate—in a minute or less? Or is it a matter of finding someone attractive in sixty seconds or less? I think it’s the latter. To be even more specific, in
most cases, I believe that chemistry boils down to what I would call “sexual/personality attraction.”
Outward Personality
A man who meets a woman and immediately begins to pursue her is most likely not doing so because he believes he’s just found his lifelong soul mate. Rather, the chances are that he thinks this is a woman who is attractive and whose outward personality appeals to him.
For instance, she may have a good sense of humour or be flirtatious or even sarcastic. For an example of the latter, see the movie The Big Sleep, starring Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall. Bogart is clearly attracted to Bacall, not only because of her good looks but also because she has a charming, sarcastic side.
Based on these two qualities, good looks and intriguing outward personality, a man decides he might be interested in a woman he’s just met. Period. No lifelong soul mating implied!
First Ingredient
Chemistry, as defined here, is real, and it may be important. Many people believe that it is an essential first ingredient for a lasting relationship. That said, there is no way to know whether chemistry will lead to a one night stand or to marriage.
In fact, sexual desire being the potent instinctual force that it is, a woman is much better off assuming that the man
would probably just like to have sex with her.
Don’t Mistake Chemistry for Love
It’s fine to feel intensely attracted to a man or to sense that he is equally attracted to you, even the very first time you meet. Take his signals as flattering.
You’re an adult, and you can decide for yourself if you want to act quickly on such chemistry, knowing that the relationship may very well be over soon after it begins. It’s called a fling.
Though some counsellors seem clearly opposed to such behavior, I’d prefer to leave it up to an intelligent woman to make her own decision. But whatever you do, don’t try to convince yourself that such attraction is a sign from above that you and Mr Right have just found one another.
As flattering as a quick pursuit might be, keep an open mind about men who may be more shy and deliberate about when and how they make a move. There are many men who may make a
much better match in the long run.
